Why I haven't really been here

It seems like ages since I said I was going to have a fairly quiet time as far as this blog went, but I didn't really think I was going to be quite so quiet. So here I am with a bit of an update.

I've been asked many times what I plan to write for 2011, so I'll start there.

People who asked me that early in the year were invariably told that I was taking January to think about it. By the end of January I answered that I was going to get stuck into rewriting the novel I wrote during NaNoWriMo 2009. I spent a few weeks so excited about this I wrote a heap of notes about a new ending, did some research and basically spent a lot of time thinking about it.

But it wore off and I was back to not feeling all that bothered to push myself this year. Because, quite frankly, I feel tired. After years of pushing myself and being super-busy most of the time, especially with writing related things, I'm kind of having a year off. You probably already know I've stepped away from page seventeen.

I sort of have two writing goals for the year, although one is not really a goal. The real goal is to submit to places I wouldn't normally submit to which, in some ways really means places that don't have closing dates.

The not-really-a-goal goal is to not have any goals. I'm not going to push myself to write anything. That doesn't mean I won't be writing, because not writing would necessitate being locked away in a safe place with padded walls and/or medication, but I'm not going to push myself. I've decided this means a few things.

The first is that I won't be hard on myself if I have weeks (or months) where I don't do any writing. Another is that I feel freed up to have a go at writing styles/genres that I might not normally make time for. But basically, I'm just taking some time to chill out. And so far, it's been nice.

And when it comes down to it, I can't honestly say there's less notes in my journal, even if I'm not making so much use of them.

Meanwhile, I'll try not to take quite so long to come back here, and maybe next time I'll tell you a bit about my new addiction, err, hobby.

Winning

I’m a winner. Again. For two years running, I am a National Novel Writing Month (NaNoWriMo) winner. And yes, it feels good.

In some ways, it feels a little better than last year. Not in that adrenalin rush kind of way. Last year definitely takes that crown, but this year I feel good knowing that some of the things I wrote are actually worthwhile.

Not that what I wrote last year wasn’t. I mean, I learned a lot about myself, including that I can quickly lose interest in an idea I’d been passionate about for years. And while I have no intention of ever writing an actual end to last year’s story, or rewriting it, or anything so ambitious, I do still have an idea of using the original idea for some other, shorter, piece.

But this year. As you know, I didn’t write a novel. Instead I wrote what I called ‘Bitsa’. Bitsa fiction, bitsa poetry and bitsa whatever else I felt like writing, including blog posts (though I won before starting to write this one).

I’m not going to go into much now except to share a few stats. Because I like stats, and numbers in general.

I wrote ten blog posts, including some I’ll post in December and some I’ll never post. Or will maybe post.

I started seven short stories, finished five of them and will probably pursue four of them. One has already been workshopped in my writing group and seems not to need a lot of rewriting. Yay.

I wrote thirty poems. Thirteen are more for my own memory of our recent family camping trip, but maybe one or two of those might be worth sharing. Of the others, I've read some on stage already, which always helps me know if I should rework or dump. But mostly, I’m not sure yet how many will rest in peace and how many shall be revived. Though there are definitely some to keep.

I wrote twenty non-fiction pieces (not including blog posts). Of those, I like less than half, and will pursue less than half. At best there are nine worth revisiting, although it’s possible when that happens I’ll change my mind.

And, finally, I wrote three other things that I won’t disclose, except to say one was a letter.
I did not count my tweets, emails or facebook updates, although admit that during the third week I half-wished I had.

But anyway, it’s over and I feel good. My first instinct is to say I don’t know whether I’ll do it again next year and will take some time to think this through. But I’m also well aware that I would probably not have done it this year if I hadn’t so publicly and enthusiastically said it was my one big goal for the year (all those months ago). And I’m definitely glad I persisted.
So I’ll think on it a while and maybe by the time I announce some 2011 goals, I might be ready to say either way.

Oh, I almost forgot, I attempted eight of those crazy ten ideas suggested by others. I was going to press myself to write all ten, but its not like I wrote about everything n my list full stop. I didn't write about acrobatic walruses or ghosts, and of the others, two were short stories I failed to finish. But I had a go, eh?

First taste - poetry

I mentioned in my last post that I'm releasing a poetry collection soon and at first I was going to make you wait until next week to find out more, but I thought I'd be nice and share some details today. Woot!

I guess the best thing to share first is the cover.

Before you ask, yes, it is a photograph of me. It's actually one my dad took, and I'm pleased to have been able to include him in some way. I just know he'd love it.

Jenny Chapman designed the superb cover. Ashley Capes was nothing short of fabulous as my editor and helped me learn heaps. And I'm sure you'd like to know what people are saying about 'First taste' already, and who am I to withhold such information?

First Taste is brimming with domestic luminosity. These poems explore the terrain of love and desire, parent and child, ecstasy and death and reveal the depth of Johnson's voice. Her poems teach us not only to accept, but to feel blessed by the complexity of humanity, the terrible mysteries of life. You will not forget 'The facts' nor that 'first taste of butterscotch sauce'. Johnson renders her secrets in language vivid and strong. Graham Nunn

Tiggy has pierced my heart, with butterscotch sauce... her poems are both earthy and ravishing. Uplifting, voracious words with a side of suburban voltage. Love it. Alicia Sometimes

With a heart pierced by butterscotch sauce, Tiggy Johnson introduces us to the joys and perils of daily life—what it means to be a woman, partner and parent amid birth and death, memory and loss, coffee and cake with citrus tang. And in considering the bitter-sweet, it’s as if this, her first collection, still comes out wearing its own Life-Be-In-It t-shirt. She is a straight-talking emerging poet with a vision all her own. Nathan Curnow

Copies of First taste will be in my hot little hands before I leave for the big trip, although I won't have a proper launch until later in the year, probably November. If you don't want to wait that long, drop me an email and I'll let you know how you can get a copy. You can email me at 'tiggy' at 'pageseventeen' dot 'com' dot 'au'. So, if you just have to find about the butterscotch sauce, you know what to do.

For those of you in Adelaide, I'll bring copies to Friendly Street on Tuesday 6th July, when I'll be the featured poet.

If you're lucky enough to be going to the Queensland Poetry Festival in August (the program will be released next week), you can grab a copy then, or the following week at SpeedPoets.

Meanwhile, please join me in a virtual celebratory drink tonight, or whenever you read this, knowing that I'll be having White Frontignac and/or a sip (cough) of Tokay.

Another EWF over

It's a little late but I thought I might share a few highlights of the Emerging Writers' Festival. The town hall program in particular. Although I didn't take any notes during any of the sessions I attended, so perhaps this is more of a memory game, though I'd like to think the bits I recall must have meant more to me than some of the others.

It would be wrong not to start with the Artist's party that was held on Friday night at the Wheeler Centre. Though if you follow Angela's blog, you'll know already that I had myself a good time. And why not. I didn't have to fulfil my hosting duties until Sunday morning, so the least I could do was assist the organisers by taking some of that wine off their hands, right?

Aside from the alcoholic pleasures, the party was an excellent opportunity to chat with other writers and I particularly enjoyed meeting Chris Downes, who spoke on the panel A short note on process that I hosted, and Jeremy Balius from Black Rider Press.

It's not often I get the opportunity to drink, either because I have to wake to to the call of 'mum-mum' that comes too early every morning, or because, well, put simply, Cockatoo is not within walking distance to anywhere. So staying in the city was an excellent plan and having a roomie made it even better, as we got to spill our showbags together and share excitement over the smallest tidbits of festival news.

Saturday offered a pretty full on program which began with Seven Enviable Lines, where the festival ambassadors shared seven secrets they wish they'd known when they started out. This event has been reviewed here and here, so all I'm going to add is that Sean Riley was my favourite, even though I've never even tried to write a play. Even as I listened to him I couldn't help but wonder if some of the newer writers at the festival realise that the advice doesn't apply just to plays but to any and all forms of writing, or if some took him (and others) literally.

I weaved in and out of various sessions throughout the afternoon, and landed at the festival club afterwards, although I had just water given someone had the foresight to schedule me to be articulate and presentable by 10am on a Sunday!

Our session A short note on process went well, although I can't say I expected to take away this advice from a writers' festival: don't take drugs. Chris Downes wowed the audience by acting out illustrations from his comics. Mischa Merz took us to the shrink's couch. Myke Bartlett struck a personal chord as he spoke of never writing anything until close to the deadline (thankfully I've learned to treat my pretend ones at least semi-seriously) and Steph Bowe was so amazing she perhaps impressed the not-so-new writers while possibly making some of the newer ones feel inadequate because they hadn't achieved half as much as her despite several extra years. You can read her presentation here.

I'm with Irma Gold as far as highlights go. My favourite panel was You want me to do WHAT? a discussion on promoting, or prostituting, yourself. All panellists were entertaining, although I particularly enjoyed Sean M Whelan's advice of what not to do when speaking/performing in public. Because there's always been someone (or two) who does one or all of these things at every poetry reading I've been to. For specifics, see Thuy Linh Nguyen's write-up.

Although now that I've said that, I hope none of those types of poets happen to be at Sospeso Readings on 4th June (tomorrow/today), where I'm reading as part of a feature organised by Geoff Fox. The theme is Motherhood and Vicki Thornton, Amy Bodossian, Geoff Fox, Koraly Dimitriades, Di Cousens and myself are combining forces for the feature, with an open mic that offers an excellent prize for the poem deemed to be a particular person's favourite on the night. It's happening from 7pm at Sospeso Caffe, 428 Burwood Rd, Hawthorn.

TwitterFEST and well, Twitter.

As suggested, I waited until 1.59pm yesterday before giving the kids the one hour of TV I limit them to when we're home. Then I grabbed my coffee and parked in front of the monitor for some serious tweeting.

The topic was how is Twitter helping writers? and I have a lot to say.

You see, I was tentative when I first signed up (it's my Twitter-birthday on Tuesday, woot). I'm not generally too tech-savvy and always worry I won't be able to figure things out. Including (read especially) the simple things. Being married to a computer-nerd has done nothing to help in this regard either, as when something goes wrong, I call out and he fixes it (because men like to fix things).

I recall a conversation I had with a friend ages before I signed up, where she insisted Twitter was the new facebook, or even better than facebook. Twitter was going to make facebook obsolete. Redundant. She couldn't understand why anyone would not want to be on there. Her feelings haven't changed much, as she's responsible for the inclusion of TwitterFEST in this year's EWF program.

Joining in a TwitterFEST discussion can feel awkward. I mean, what do you say first? Something of your own, reply to something someone else said, answer a question, maybe even retweet? Tweeps were doing any and all of these things, and my opener was to share something a friend (who I meet through Twitter, but is now also an IRL friend) once said to me. She likes Twitter because, by laughing with editors and publishers about things like what damage their cats had caused while home alone for five minutes, she was able to take them off their pedestals and imagine them as real people. It made them approachable and gave her confidence to take the next steps as a writer she needed to take (of course I said all this in just 140 characters yesterday).

Others agreed. A lot of tweeps also like the way Twitter encourages them to write in new ways, new styles that suit the medium. Like Twitter novels and Twitterfiction (which will be covered in an NMIT Professional Writing and Editing unit next semester). Some tweeps talked about works that were the result of collaborations formed through Twitter, some no doubt with tweeps who've not met IRL. And of course many like the way writing to a 140 character limit helped them refine their own writing.

Of course Twitter is a great platform for networking and hence, developing a potential audience. Although many writers don't seem to 'get' how this works (not the ones in yesterday's TwitterFEST). To use Twitter like this, you can't just log on and tweet details of your latest blog post, upcoming events/appearances/performances and/or the next title you're about to release. Sure, friends and family members who'll be interested in these things are going to take note. But no-one else. If you want other followers to care, you'll have to engage with them. In discussion. In conversation. In reports of what their cat did to the shower curtain while they ducked out for a litre of milk. Whatever. It doesn't matter what you engage in, and once the initial excitement of the 24/7 party that is Twitter has died off a little, be sure to set yourself some limits if you don't want it to eat away all your spare time. And make sure every update isn't a whinge.

But Twitter has meant more to me than any or even all of these things in the time I've been here. By this time last year, I'd spent five or so years trying to talk myself into writing non-fiction. I'd had a reasonable number of short stories published in various journals and my own collection released, I'd taken on poetry, I'd taught creative writing in a TAFE environment and after enough essays to earn me two degrees, you'd think I'd be able to do it in my sleep.

And so I'd try to convince myself every few months when it bugged me that it wasn't something I did. It bugged me that I lacked confidence and unlike my efforts when I sit to write fiction, every time I'd start something, I'd slam it down within half an hour, go make another cup of coffee and hide my 'effort' where it wouldn't remind me of my failings while I got on with something else.

But thanks to Twitter, I'm over it. Twitter helped in several ways.

For one, I use Twitter (and this blog at times) to keep me accountable. With Twitter, it can all happen so quickly. I can tweet that I'm going to write something before my brain works out what I'm saying and then I'm committed. I have to write it. Often this happens in an informal way, like I might say I'm going to spend 2 hours in the library writing. But once, maybe more, but once was enough, I told an editor of a parenting magazine that I was going to write a piece for her magazine.

A few weeks went by before I felt enough pressure to actually do it, but eventually I knew I had to write something. So I did.

When I sent it to her, she loved it so much she asked if she could forward it to the national publication. Who pay. To cut a long story short, they accepted it and the next morning I wrote another piece and now there'll be no stopping me. Sure, by this time I'd also been writing a few other bits of non-fiction with some success, but Twitter definitely played a major role.

There are other ways I find Twitter to be helpful for my writing too. It can help me work out what I should focus my writing on at various times, give me feedback on what parenting issues might be worth an article, and I'm part of a new writing group that formed through Twitter. Which was exactly what I needed to make me write more fiction, after non-fiction started to take up my few writing moments.

How has Twitter helped you?
or
What's stopping you signing up?

TwitterFEST and the 'Australian' novel

With the Emerging Writers' Festival introducing an online program this year, you don't necessarily have to be in Melbourne to take part (although I do recommend going to live events if at all possible, have been to two so far and have loved two so far).

Though it does help if you're on Twitter (which is easy).

This afternoon, while Dylan slept, I jumped into TwitterFEST to join the discussion "What is an 'Australian' novel?" I'm not sure I have an answer to this (do you?), although if I use their list of suggestions, I'm inclined to think an Australian novel is one written by an Australian.

There were certainly some interesting ideas presented, including whether novels are 'Australian' due to setting, theme/s, style and voice. Not to mention categorisation for awards where a requirement is that the story 'is Australian', but I'm not going there.

At some point the discussion veered towards diversity in voices of 'Australian' writing, and writers and I was asked to comment on my thoughts about same, given I'm reading novels by Aussie women only this year. Now, I'm not sure I'm qualified to say much given I'm only reading about 2 novels a month, and perhaps it has more to do with me trying to read them for pleasure than to pick them apart, but I'd say there is definitely variety in what I've been reading. I think this because I'm sure I'd put the next book down if it sounded or felt too similar to the last or another recent read.

As for short fiction, I feel confident to say there's plenty of diversity.

Though it occurred to me later that this is perhaps a reader's response and part of the reason the question caused so much confusion for me. Especially as compared to when I came to it as a writer.

As a writer, it all seems somewhat pointless as I'm going to write what I'm going to write in the style and voice that I write it in. It's going to be hard enough to score a publishing contract trying to do the very best writing that I can without introducing concepts that might make me think I should be writing according to a certain constraint, whatever that might be.

And despite the various awards scattered around the place, I find it hard to imagine that writers would really write with award criteria in mind.

Though please do let me know if you disagree. And share what your idea of an Australian novel is.

bending the rules for brilliance

I was surprised by some of what I found out last year when I surveyed various journal editors and competition administrators (for this article). Including how lenient some editors actually are (though I'm not going to tell you which ones).

But the thing that surprised me the most was how many competition administrators or editors actually read a submission/entry that does not meet the guidelines before deciding whether to disqualify it. Except in the case where a piece might exceed the word limit, surely this decision should be made on the guidelines themselves rather than on the quality of the work?

I completely understand those who didn't feel they receive enough submissions to shortlist according to who followed the rules. But this is a blanket decision, everyone is treated the same. Not so for editors who admit to bending the rules 'if a piece is brilliant', and while it was certainly not the case for the majority of those I surveyed, there were enough similar responses to shock.

So I put it to you, as I seem to every year when page seventeen's submissions are open, what do you think? Do you expect editors/administrators to follow their own guidelines?

And, have you or anyone you know ever had a piece accepted when you know you failed to meet guidelines?

a little May-hem

As a stay-at-home Mum I usually try to find a fair balance for parenting and my writer/editor needs and desires. This means I don't tend to write while the kids are in my care as well as guiding my selection of what events I will actually trek out for, particularly in making sure I don't go to too many all at once.

But in May, none of that counts. Much. May is the month I wait for, the month the family are given fair warning that they'll just have to take a back seat. And for good reason.

The Emerging Writers' Festival is on.

This has been my favoutite literary event since the year it began and I escaped responsibility for two amazing days of festival. In fact, in those early years it was relatively simple to go to almost all of the thing, as it lasted just one weekend. Now though, the festival lasts an amazing ten days and while this is fabulous in all the obvious ways, I have no hope of going to everything and have to go through the stress of choosing some events over others.

But I will definitely be hanging around the Melbourne Town Hall during the last week of May. Not least of all because I'll be hosting a panel on the Sunday at 10am called 'A short note on process' where panellists Myke Bartlett, Steph Bowe, Chris Downes and Mischa Merz will discuss Early mornings Vs late nights Vs quit your day job and just go at it. Are post it notes essential, should first drafts be longhand, and must a writer write daily? These writers talk about their creative processes: how and when they write, and what routines they have in place for working.

I'll also be at The Page Parlour at Federation Square on Sunday 23rd, 12-5pm where we get the bonus of being Stuck in a lift with Paddy O'Reilly and Mandy Ord. This is free and a great opportunity to check out different publications, so come by and say hello.

I also hope to get to a heap of other events too, including Peter Farrar's 15 Minutes of Fame on Tuesday 25th, Wordstock: AC/DC on Thursday 27th and The First Word on Friday 21st.

But there are a few other things going on in May too.

On May 15th, after Stopping all Stations in Nunawading to see Kristin Henry and open mikers perform, I'll be going to the Brunswick Street Gallery for a bridge for short attention spans, where 30 writers read in 30 minutes, from 7pm.

But before all this, I'm looking forward to this Mothers' Day weekend. We're taking my mum out for lunch on Saturday and I have no idea what's planned for me on Sunday, although I suspect sticky-date pudding might be involved. I certainly hope so.

Miscellaneous Voices 1, Sketch 2

It's always nice to receive books in the mail, and even better when they include something of your own. Both of these books arrived in the last couple of weeks for that very reason.
Particularly exciting is Miscellaneous Voices: Australian Blog Writing. An anthology of blog posts from Australian writers, it is the first book of its kind (in Australia). I look forward to seeing how well it is received in the community and I'm looking forward to its official launch next week.

It will be launched by Laurie Steed, page seventeen's 2010 Fiction Editor, at Readings, Carlton, on Wednesday 14th April from 6pm. Maybe I'll see you there.

Sketch is an exciting publication too, with each (annual) issue containing 'an eclectic mix of art, digital design, fiction, non-fiction, poetry and more'. This is issue 2, which (I've heard) sold out at the launch and went for reprint. It's an honour to share pages with Amelia Walker, Ashley Capes and Anne M Carson, to name just a few, although my favourite piece (so far) is the poem 'Jade and Porcelain' by Jeff Klooger.

I was really pleased when my story 'Old Rock' was accepted for Sketch Issue 2. Sure, it's always good to receive an acceptance, but this one was a little better than usual. Old Rock is one of the pieces I tracked my progess of in the piece I wrote for the The Reader, produced by the Emerging Writers' Festival last year. In case you've read my piece in The Reader, 'The Red Haze', it's the one inspired by my next door neighbours. In case you haven't, I stood on the toilet lid (while my kids ate toast in the kitchen and) listened to my neighbour tell the cops about his son punching him the night before in a drunken stupour while his (equally drunk) friend raced off (in his car) to avoid the same fate.

just a little update

While I've probably already read more novels this year than for the whole of last, I would like to be able to say I read more than one and a half novels last month. Even if just by half a book.

This whole reading challenge has got me talking more about my reading habits, if I could call them that, and I must admit I did feel better after learning (at playgroup) that out of my 'reading' mum-friends, one and a half books a month is not too bad. Even so, I'll see if I can't get over the two book line this month. Give or take a chapter here and there, as I'm not the type to necessarily be reading only one book at a time. But sticking to just Australian women has not been a problem. I guess it won't be at one and a half books a month.

As far as my writing plans, I'm generally going okay. I've managed to leave the house to write as much as I hoped to, although perhaps only just, and that time has certainly been some of my most productive. I am finding though, that by the time I've met non-fiction commitments and then written poems as they demand to be written, I haven't found any time for fiction. Perhaps this is something that was going to happen as I settled into a new way of working and it will sort itself out. I hope so, although I'll definitely revise my goals in another couple of months. The good news is that the amount of writing I've done fits in with my goals.

The name change saga continues. Vic Roads turned out not to be nearly as difficult as the phone dicussion with them suggested, and I have so far changed my name with most of the more important places. Mostly because I sacrificed a work day with no kids to get it done. Including booking a lunch date with Bryden to make sure the day wasn't all about sitting in waiting areas.

I wasn't sure how easy eating out was going to be on the detox, but it proved to be no problem as we found ourselves eating fancy Chinese, although I'm sure any Asian cuisine would cater easily. As well as for my taste buds. I actually have been out for two other meals this week, which I thought were going to be more difficult because the venues were pre-set. One was in a pub and I was sure I'd have to resort to a bowl of chips (which wouldn't necessarily be a bad thing), but it didn't come to that. Nor did the second occasion and I'm not sure whether I'm not just a little disappointed.

The study? Well, I'm not convinced I want to share an update on that. Let alone consider that Bryden might need to work in there as soon as next week!

Now I'll have to stick to 'em

Now that 2010 is well established, I thought I'd share some of my writing goals, like I promised.

When I summed up my efforts last year, it became apparent that I needed to change the structure of my goal-setting, and to include shorter term goals, or maybe even to focus on short term goals. Which is what I've done. Although I do have one big goal for the year.

Which is to participate in, and win, NaNoWriMo again.

Even though this is my big goal for the year, I'm breaking it down into smaller goals. For instance, until the end of June, I plan only to research and make journal notes. I've already assigned this novel its own notebook/journal and yesterday wrote the first notes in it, filling a page. The research is mostly in the form of reading, so manageable as well as fun. From July to October, I'll be making more structured notes that will act as my outline so I'll be ready to dive into the actual writing come November 1.

For other writing, I've taken a completely different approach to what I used to do, which was to designate a number of poems and/or short stories, etc I'd hope to knock off for the year. This year, I decided I want to get out more.

Not the kind of getting out I did lots of last year (although I still plan to go to a variety of events), but the kind of getting out where I go out TO write. Where there is no Facebook, no Twitter, no telephone and no housework. I've set my goal for this in hours, starting smallish, and will revise it at the end of March. Of course I'll continue to write at home as well.

Having a fairly good idea of how I tend to work, I'm going to trust that whatever's going on around me will guide me as to what to write and/or how to spend my time. For instance, when I'm planning to go to a few poetry nights, I seem to have energy (and ideas) for writing poetry and when I'm exhausted I find that outlining a piece or brainstorming an idea is the best use of time. Of course, if it turns out this isn't a disciplined enough approach for me, I'll be making changes.

I have a few other little things noted in my journal under the goals heading, like to write more non-fiction and to make sure I don't miss too many submission deadlines, but these are the main things I hope to achieve this year. And now I've shared them with you, I feel accountable.

2009 in words

I set writing goals every year and while I usually go crazy about now trying to find them, I won't bother this year. I don't remember exactly what they were, but I remember the general gist and know I did not achieve them. Not exactly, and for that, I am celebrating. Kind of.

Not celebrating because I didn't achieve them, but because I took off in different directions. Directions I might not have had the foresight to plan so far in advance. And hence never set goals for.

This year, I achieved so much more than whatever that list of goals might suggest I'd aimed for.

I had pieces in the publications pictured, as well as other journals, including of course, my first audio poem 'Solitaire' in the recent Cordite 31.0: EPIC.

On the topic of firsts, my pieces in The Reader and an earlier issue of Victorian Writer were sort of my first non-fiction pieces. (This is not technically true, but as far as intentions go, first.) I'd always been too afraid to set goals for writing non-fiction, so this is one major achievement, and I hope to continue. Actually, I have another non-fiction piece coming out in a February publication. It's fair to say that old fear has found a new home.

Another first was as a feature poet, at the fortnightly Passionate Tongues gig in Brunswick. Special thanks to convenor, Michael Reynolds for inviting me. This, as well as a decision to get to more poetry nights, helped spark an interest in writing for the stage. I attended several regular gigs for the first time, generally performing in the open section, and ended up recording my poems for the first time. I slammed for the first time, and recited/performed without paper for the first time. I have three feature spots lines up for 2010, and will be sure to let you know more about them closer to the time.

I was involved in a few festivals, including the Newstead Short Story Tattoo, the Emerging Writers' Festival, and spoke about page seventeen at the Melbourne Writers' Festival as part of the SPUNC Spectacular. I attended other festivals and came away inspired. I also went to author talks at local libraries, and too many book launches to count.

I wrote 50,000 words of a novel during National Novel Writing Month and met new writers at an organised write-in.

I wrote a couple of guest posts for the SPUNC blog, SPLOG. I also wrote my first blurb, for a book due in early 2010.

I may have done more, that I can't recall right now. Not all of these things were firsts, but there are quite a few. And this is why I'm not interested in finding that list of 2009 goals. Many of these achievements were not planned for, but I went with the flow. If I find that list, it will be hard to not focus on the things I didn't achieve, and Blind Freddy could see I've had a year to be proud of. And I am.

I'm also a little tentative about setting my 2010 goals, as it's impossible to imagine at this stage that I could top this year as far as writing achievements go. Not that I'll let myself get caught up in worrying about that. One thing I do know about goal-setting for 2010 though, is that I'm not going to make one long list of goals for the 12 month period. Too much can change in that time. Instead, I'll be making a 6 month list, or maybe a 3 month list, or maybe, being a list person, a list that's a combination of all of the above.

I'll let even that idea stew in the back of my brain until it's time to actually make said list, sometime in the first days of January.

I'd love to hear about your 2009 successes and hope you can focus on those instead of the things you might not have done. And, of course, I hope you have a lovely Christmas.

Publishing NaNoWriMo novels

I'm talking about the possibility of publishers taking on NaNoWriMo novels over at the SPUNC blog, SPLOG, so go and check it out and add your two bits.

Doing NaNo this year, I found there was an eclectic mix of people making the commitment, including people who never wanted more from their novel than the satisfaction of having achieved a goal, as well as established writers, and everyone in between. Regardless of where everyone was at though, I definitely found it to be a supportive and encouraging community. Not to mention friendly.

Anyway, while I'm here, I thought I'd share a few of the things I learnt about myself.

1. If I'm going to write a sex scene, I should play a Chris Isaak CD.
2. I write in chunks of one scene at a time.
3. Using cake to motivate me to achieve small goals doesn't work so well.
4. If Chris Issak is playing, I should expect unexpected sex scenes.
5. I can regularly write about 1200 words an hour.
6. Setting goals in hourly chunks works well.
7. The most I can write in one hour is about 1600 words, which is probably equivalent to my typing ability in consideration of the next point.
8. I cannot go longer than one paragraph without correcting typos.
9. It is worth continuing even when I no longer feel the 'need' to write the story. This feeling comes back.
And, although it isn't really something I didn't already know
10. Once I write a sentence, any sentence, words keep coming, whether I knew what I was going to write or not.

Endings

Winning NaNoWriMo was an emotional experience, although probably not for the reasons I'd have thought at the beginning of the month.

Yes, I won NaNoWriMo. I stopped at 50,390 words, although the story has not ended. I'm happy to avoid thinking about it for a while and might come back to it in the new year. I finished on Thursday last week which, coincidentally was the day I'd initially 'scheduled' to finish, but was also the day that, with one week to go, seemed to be the one that fitted best with the writing habits I'd maintained for the month. Not that habits is really the best word for such a short time span, but you know what I mean.

At the beginning of the day, I had about 3,000 words to go. I've been writing one scene in one sitting, and by early-mid afternoon I had only about 400 words to go. Then the phone started.

The first call was from my sister-in-law saying that if I wanted to see Dad one last time time, I'd better leave straight away. We'd taken the kids on Tuesday, with home-made birthday cards, and the hospital is a little over an hour's drive. I was home alone. There was no way I could do that drive. I decided I wasn't going and, as I'd seen him the Friday before on one of his best days, I was happy with that. And I knew others were on their way.

The next call was my other sister-in-law, returning an earlier call. I gave her the update and together we cried. She convinced me to call him, so I did my best to 'get it all together' and call, hoping to tell him I'd finished the 50,ooo words, certain this kind of lie was okay. But it was too late. I missed him by minutes.

I made a couple of other calls, then sat on the decking and let the storm surround me. I'm at peace with his passing, knowing that we were fortunate to have had him for the last 23 years at all and that his last few weeks, perhaps months, had been difficult. It seems this was the right time, if there can ever really be such a thing.

I thought about putting off the 400 words for a day, thinking it wouldn't be right to finish now, but then I changed my mind. Dad was always supportive of my writing and was one of the few people who truly 'get it', and he'd believed from the outset that I could win NaNo.

So, before the others got home, I belted out one more scene and submitted it for validation, then stared at the fireworks on my screen, totally unsure about how I felt. Other than knowing I will definitely do NaNo again.

concentrating on just the words

I began a poem in my head last night and while their meaning would have kept me awake forever, concentrating on just the words helped me sleep. Eventually.

It's a poem I won't look forward to writing, as it will be difficult, probably more so than anything I've ever written. But I also know that I will write the rest, although I won't be able to even try until after I visit my father in hospital tomorrow, one day before his sixty-fifth birthday. Anyway, here is the start of the poem:

I imagine walking through the doorway
will be like visiting
my stillborn niece
only you
are still alive
and lucid

I'm sure you get the gist, so now is where I add that I may or may not be posting here much in the next little while, and I know you understand.

It's a strange feeling actually, very mixed. In some ways, he's been really unwell for years, you could even say for 23, after he suffered the kind of heart attack that would have been fatal if not for him being able to call a mate for help. Since then, the Austin has kind of become a second home. But that doesn't make anything easier.

Meanwhile, I suspect I'll be writing, because this will be the only way to escape my thoughts. Last night I wrote until after 1am, when my NaNoWriMo word count hit 45K. I know I'll make it to 50K, and while I thought I'd stop as soon as I did, even though the story would not be finished, I'll probably just keep going. You can go here for live progress on my word count, in case I don't report back soon.

And if I don't keep going, or if I write the last sentence, then I suspect I'll jump into the two articles I otherwise need to write, and then make more up along the way. I will just keep writing.

First draft, now what?

It's a little hard to think about 2010 already, but if I let myself for just a second, I know that January 12 is not far away. But before I soak back into November, I just want to let you know that I'm running a workshop on Tuesday January 12 at the Victorian Writers' Centre called 'First draft, now what?'

It's a redrafting workshop for 'introductory and intermediate' writers, and if you're interested in knowing more, follow the link above.

One lucky workshop participant will have the opportunity to be published in Issue 8 of page seventeen, due in November 2010. If you're thinking of coming along, don't overstress about the piece you bring on the day to share though, because this won't be the basis of my decision as to whose work we publish. But it is exciting, and just one more way we can find new writers whose work we can feature.

Launch & NaNoWriMo update: 20K words in

Since my last post, the other two kids were banished from society for a day (Friday) with a dreaded tummy bug that they then shared with their father, who was out of action for longer than the three of them combined. (Thankfully he returned to 'normal' life today.) So, other than look after them (why is it the baby chooses these days to start waking at 5.30am?), I haven't done much, except to knuckle down on my NaNoWriMo novel and post copies of page seventeen. Oh, and host a launch.

The launch for page seventeen Issue 7 was last Saturday, and everything turned out fabulously well. It's the first time we've held the launch at Burrinja cafe, and going by feedback from attendees, it will not be the last. We might have to do something about ferrying people from the train station next year though.

We had fifteen contributors read, including three who'd travelled from interstate (SA, NSW & Qld), and Vicki Thornton did a fabulous job as MC. As always, it was wonderful to meet new supporters, although there is never enough time to chat to any for long enough. With seventeen new voices in this issue, you'd better brace yourselves to hear more from at least some of them in the not too distant future.

If you'd like to know a bit more, Alec Patric has posted some thoughts on the Overland blog as well as on his personal blog.

As for the novel, well, it's coming along. I need to get ahead this week, with the littlies in creche for a special all-week treat, and so far, so good. I broke the 20K mark last night and am now sitting just below 22K. I'm amazed at some of the things I've learnt about my writing process, and was impressd on Monday morning to get 1478 words down in a single hour (this is quite possibly the extent of my typing ability).

Today though, I have a new problem to overcome. Which, to be honest, I'm not all that sure how to go about solving. Yesterday there was a moment when I realised I didn't feel the same need to tell this story that has sat with me for the last however-many months/years. Quite a rude shock really, when the first time I ventured into the topic was in 2004.

Even before turning the laptop on this morning, I decided it didn't matter, that I would just keep going as planned, as that's what I signed up for. I want to come out of this knowing that I can do it. Not to mention that perhaps it's too soon to tell if I really have lost the drive to tell this story, or maybe yesterday just wasn't such a great day. Or that 20K words isn't quite enough to tell.

Then this morning, 1K words in, it seemed the story took a wrong turn about 5K words ago. I imagine this wouldn't be a problem any other time. I'd just ditch the 5K words and get on with it. But I'm reluctant to dump 5K words from my word count. I think I'll probably just ignore that part of the story and get on with it, leaving the words there. Kind of like an extended flashback (or something). And assume I'll know one way or another by 50K words whether this story has a life (hoping to hell I can at least trick myself into pretending it might until I get there).

Being my character when I'm not: NaNoWriMo update

Halfway through day 5 and 10,755 words into the novel, I'm exhausted. And that's after a day off yesterday.

Sure, there are a million things going on as well as writing a novel in one month (like launching a new issue of an annual journal and preparing for a poetry feature this Sunday, not to mention normal life). It would be easy to blame any one, or all, of those other things, but I'm sure it's not the other things (even if I still don't have the books from the printer). It's definitely NaNo. And I think I know why.

Firstly, writing a novel in one month equals serious lack of sleep. And not for the obvious reason. I'm sure many people choose to stay up later than normal to write. But that's not me. You see, I know I get grumpy when I don't get enough sleep (thanks Mum for so many reminders), and being grumpy and looking after kids all day is not a good mix. So far, I've gone to bed at a normal-for-me time every night bar one, and even I can cope with one late night.

No, it's not writing into the night that's the problem. It's the excitement of being part of NaNo, the excitement of progress, the excitement of believing you can do it. It's the mind refusing to switch off with the laptop. It's the damn novel wanting to be written at every bloody hour on the clock. It's a while since this has happened, especially for consecutive nights, and it's much worse now that I can see those bloody digits on the alarm clock!

The novel itself is going okay. There have been a couple of uninspiring scenes, but as I insist on starting at scene one and writing in order, I've decided to just get through the crap scenes quickly so I can move on to the next ones. This isn't a difficult decision, as I'm quite prepared to write crap, and I have no delusions about what a first draft should be. So, for a first draft, it's fine really.

Instead of considering whether the actual writing is good, I'm trying to think about whether each scene is the kind of scene I want. You know, whether I'm showing things I want to show, whether the reader will identify with my protagonist, whether the scene progresses the story. And if it isn't, well, I'll probably leave it there until some other month anyway. But so far, so good.

It's not just the lack of sleep that's exhausting me. It's the novel itself, although I did at least expect this. Writing a novel means immersing yourself into the world of the novel. Immersing yourself into your character's world, and as I'm using first person, I'm really trying to get into her (Catherine's) headspace. Which is a killer. Not so much because she's not me, because this is one of the things I find relatively simple about writing fiction: I seem to be able to morph into my characters as I click away at the keyboard. (I prefer to write alone so I'm not constantly asked what I'm saying.)

It's not that. It's because 'being' her, thinking like her is mentally exhausting. She's not in a good headspace. In fact, she isn't really in the kind of headspace I want to go, other than fictionally (of course).

She's depressed. Not that she knows it.

But I think that to do a good job, I have to go with her. At least part of the way. And, understandably, there's some reluctance on my part.

Although, now that I think about it, I never turned into a man, let alone a burglar or the... (nah, that would give it away) to write the story coming out in Torpedo 7, or the moronic drink-driving protagonist of the story coming out in Sketch 2. As for my story in fourW, all I can say is, I wish. On second thoughts, perhaps not.

So, maybe NaNoWriMo is here to help me work out whether it's different for a novel. Whether I really do have to go with her to do her story justice. Maybe that's my new NaNo goal?

That, and more sleep.

first or third?

A few days ago I tweeted something like this: aaarrrrrrgggh, first or third person? Coin suggests... first.

Of course I was talking about the novel I plan to write during NaNoWriMo. Usually it would have been a no-brainer as I would have assumed first person without a second thought. But I toyed with the idea of using several of the character's points of view and being me, had difficulty making the decision.

I went with first, as the tweet suggested, and even though the decision was made, I was surprised with the response, as if first person is writer-suicide. And I just don't get it.

To me, writing in third person is tough. Particularly in the way I suggested in this case, but even if limited to the main character. In fact, I'm not sure I've ever used third person without a good reason. But feedback suggested one should only choose first if there's a good reason.

Now this fascinates me. Sure, I know all the arguments for and against each case, but I've always felt that in general, first is the best choice. For me anyway.

What about you? Do you prefer first or third? Anyone else toss a coin to help them decide?

In other news, I know I'm supposed to be tucked away by the Murray somewhere, but plans are meant to be broken, right? The time I actually look forward to going camping, disaster approaches and... just when it's time to grab those last things and head off, one child starts to vomit.

But, all is not lost, as hubby took the other two, and while he's sure to do an adequate job of restocking the tokay shelf, I should get off to an excellent NaNo start. Win-Win really. Especially as Hamish has managed to keep an afternoon snack (of plain toast) and a bowl of (plain) pasta where it belongs.

What was I thinking?

I've been interested in having a go at it for years. Can't recall how many exactly, but last year it would have been insane to try with a two month old baby and the year before was crazy enough with the million things I was doing anyway (like finishing 2nd degree, teaching at TAFE, producing magazine, preparing for 2 week camping trip).

So, now I've finally plunged into the acceptance and enrolment stage of NaNoWriMo, I'm not really sure why I'm suddenly starting to have that WTF was I thinking feeling?

Perhaps it's that November begins in just 4 days. Perhaps it's because I feel like I haven't done enough planning and my head isn't in the right space (yet). Perhaps it's because I haven't even made a schedule for when I'll sit down to write. Perhaps it's just because so many other writers seem to be so far ahead, much more prepared, or perhaps it's just because it's the kind of thing that's bound to produce a bit (or a lot) of anxiety.

I mean, 50,000 words is a lot of words. 30 days ain't so many days. And it's so like me to make a decision like this without necessarily thinking it through. That is, after all, the way page seventeen started.

Yet I did kind of feel like I had thought this one through. Before I signed up, I asked myself how I'd feel if I failed to complete, or win, the challenge. I decided that rather than think of it has having failed, I'd come away feeling good about what I did manage to achieve. Assuming I gave it a fair effort, of course. And it seemed like that was all that had to be decided.

Other than making a schedule of when I'd write, because I just wouldn't be me if I didn't do something as anally retentive as that. Because of course, I won't be writing when the kids are in my care. Which is my life for a large portion of NaNo time (just like every other month). As a general rule, that leaves me with writing time during school hours on Thursdays and Fridays. Which, especially given the first week will mostly be spent preparing for the launch of page seventeen Issue 7, doesn't seem like nearly enough time.

Sure, there will be evenings, and some weekend time, but I don't like the uncertainty of relying on being awake enough to write late (particularly if Dylan continues to wake at 5.30am), or for the Nano experience to eat into family time (or to reneg on attending so many fab book launches).

Which kind of brings me to another aspect of NaNo that I've noticed so many people doing. Setting personal guidelines.

For instance, I'm happy to sacrifice TV time, but not family/husband time, I'll head for the library/cafe if home offers too many distractions, an extra double espresso on writing days will be fine, I'll sacrifice any household chores that aren't absolutely necessary (which may not sound like anything different), etc. I'm not trying to suggest these are my guidelines, as I haven't got as far as making some, but these are examples of what mine might be like. With the exception that the housework one will be a definite priority. Writing must come before the vacuum cleaner.

There are two things I have decided on though. They both involve the kids.

One is that the littlies can have one full time week at creche, which they will absolutely love, and the other is to organise schoolboy to go home with a friend for each of the Fridays, which will give me an extra two hours a week. (I will probably swap the favour for another day that I don't expect to be writing.)

As for the preparation, I've been trying to tell myself it doesn't matter. That I'll be in my character's head in no time, because that's how it usually works. That even though I don't feel like I'm in the right space, I did enough work months ago to feel secure that it's all there. That I've done fine in the past without necessarily knowing where a story's going, what's going to happen next.

Oh, and I've decided too that I'll use first person. Because I love first person. It fits well within my comfort zone. And is probably the best choice for the story anyway. Even though so many people have suggested third (I may ponder this further sometime.)

Anyway, get your purple pom-poms ready, because I know I'm going to need a few cheers every now and then. But not until I get back from camping on the 3rd (with at least a few thousand words down... right?)... or maybe even before November begins. Eeek.