Friday, 22 January 2010

I do... or do I?

I've been thinking about getting married for some time. At least six months. I'm no closer to a decision than I was back then. Except that it seemed radically exciting for the first fortnight or so.

Sure, I'm already married, and later this year, we'll make it to double figures, which I suppose is something to celebrate in itself. But it isn't about that. In fact, it has nothing to do with romance. Nothing. A lot to do with bureaucratic red tape, nothing to do with romance. (Come on, I have three kids, romance shromance.) I'm assuming by now you realise I'm talking about marrying the same person, remarrying him.

All those years ago, we got married in the Cook Islands. Yes, we eloped.

Before you ask, technically we didn't get married on the beach, but in a gorgeous garden area of the resort we stayed at. We had many photos taken on the beach, and the restaurant staff even set up a special table on the sand for us. Our waitress took this photo with our camera. It was lovely, although I never thought I'd be doing it again.

Except that I have a slight problem with getting a passport and remarrying was Bryden's solution. One friend thinks it's adorable that he would want to marry me again, let alone suggest it. Anyway, I digress.

Because we were married overseas, the Australian Goverment, well at least the office that does passports, doesn't recognise us as married. I found this out when I went to renew my passport and asked about required documentation. After a longish session with them and later some Internet research on their appropriate websites, it seemed I had two choices.

One: To have my name changed by deed poll to my married name and then proceed with getting a passport in that name. It is worth noting that my drivers licence and bank documentation is all in my married name.

Two: Change back to my maiden name, officially, go through the rigmarole of changing licence, bank, etc and then get a passport.

I quickly decided option one is not an option. It might sound crazy, but I like using both names, and perhaps other parents might understand that using my maiden name for my individual pursuits, like writing, helps me 'be' the person I need to on the right occasion. Anyway, I was writing before I got married. And I'm not okay with letting go of that name.

Option two sounds doable, I guess, but I'd kind of feel like I was betraying my husband and the kids if I didn't share their name: it's the reason I wanted to change my name when I got married in the first place. And I'm not keen on the idea of having a new licence photo (not that I'm suggesting I like my current one).

Then Bryden suggested we get married. At first this sounded like a fabulous idea and we had grand plans of filling the backyard with friends and family and wondering how we'd choose a date: would we remarry on an anniversary or an arbitrary date? Did I need a passport in any great rush or could we wait?

While holding off until our tenth anniversary seemed odd in some ways, I haven't been able to come to terms with it being on an arbitary date. Again, this has little to do with romance, and much to do with my desire for order, structure (read being anally retentive).

Then I remembered another good reason not to have a big fat bush wedding: we eloped in the first place because we didn't want a big fat any-kind-of wedding.

Friends have suggested we just go to the registry office but this seems even more meaningless than me reverting to my maiden name.

Maybe having it out there will help me sort it in my head and come to a solution, or maybe someone will suggest something I haven't thought of yet that is totally the right thing to do. Or perhaps I'll discover I'm really just overthinking it and it doesn't really matter what I/we do. I'd love to hear your thoughts.

Oh, and in some ways, there's no rush, we have until December 21.


Leonie said...

"Iknow I shouldn't but honestl I am having a bit of a giggle!!

Tiggy Johnson said...

Thanks Leonie, from you, I expect nothing less...

lisa said...

Have it on your tenth anniversary, that's a nice way to celebrate a decade. Why don't you like the idea of a registry office wedding?

Tiggy Johnson said...

The registry office? Mostly because I think Bryden would hate it. He was really against it in the first place and wanted the whole shebang. It took quite a bit of talking to convince him eloping could be just as special, if not more so, than a traditional wedding. And given his eyes sparkle as he suggests we remarry...